So, how do you teach a child gratitude? As I child I remember being so thankful for gifts, excited for trips to McDonald's, and generally grateful for all the random acts of kindness bestowed on me by my parents and extended family. Okay, maybe my memories are a little rose colored...but seriously I think my kids have a long way to go in the gratitude department.
Case in point. Kaela lost about her 12th tooth this past Sunday (so the tooth fairy is nothing new in her life). That afternoon she informed us that she wanted the tooth fairy to bring her a book instead of money (just like the her tooth fairy does at friend Lizzie's house). I told her that the tooth fairy wasn't Santa and Lizzie must have a different tooth fairy that comes to her house. Lots of sulking ensued, tears, pep talks and so on. Luckily Kaela is a pretty spiritual little girl and when my sister Ash told her the tooth fairy couldn't shop for books on Sunday, she swallowed her sadness and accepted the reality that there would be no book underneath her pillow that night. The tooth fairy brought her a dollar and a note telling her to buy her own book!
My sister Casey made me feel better about this whole gratitude thing by telling me after Kaela's outbreak that when her son was praised for putting a plate in the sink this week, he promptly asked for a DS game. Made me laugh and feel a little better about Sam asking for a Wii for Valentines Day (I keep telling myself he meant chocolate)!
Anyway, I can't help but feel that sometimes I have just given my kids too much. I think there is some merit in saying no, working for things you really want and appreciating them once they are yours. So, help me here...how do you teach your kids gratitude?
Where to even start
6 months ago
13 comments:
Amen Sister! How do we find that balance for our children? Giving enough feel to like they are better off than we were, but teaching them graditude and responsiblity? A delicate balance. Let me know when you figure out the magic recipe.
Love,
TN
Hmmm...how do we teach our kids gratitude?
Let me think.
I'm drawing a blank here. Sorry! But when you get that figured out could you let me know? Thanks!
I think all kids go through this (I know mine have!)and you probably did when you were younger too :) It is a definite process. I think what your toothfairy did was very smart. The biggest way to teach is through example so I'm sure when they continue to see your gratitude it will rub off.
Just stop giving them anything at all. Stop feeding them. No Easter basket or Birthday gifts.
Then, when you start feeding them again, it will teach them to appreciate what you do for them. :)
I don't know if you should listen to Steph...Sam probably got the wii idea from her! ;)
Good luck and let me know if you find something that works.
I think that example is the thing. When your kids see your gratitude for the small thing, they will learn. But all kids go through wanting everything. Sometime when they have to work really hard for something they want, they really do appreciate it when they get it. Good luck! I am still learning.
I love that Sam wanted a Wii for valentines day. That is hilarious. I told Carson he could pick a treat for being good and he picked a lego pack costing 19.97$ I said I don't think so Carse. He was so sad and I had not bought him something for awhile..so I gave in. I didn't know he knew how much it cost! We walk in the house and he yells "Dad, look at this 20.00 toy mom bought me" Brett said "Wow, you must have done something real neat to get that" "no, not really"
Thanks Carson. My husband loves me.
You know, raising my kids in an entirely differently financial atmosphere/environment than how I was raised...I really think it is an attitude. I appreciated things usually because we simply didn't have much. But I witness my kids appreciating things because they know how hard Daddy or we work for them...
And, I think if they see us appreciating the more important things such as friendship, service, kind words, etc. more than wordly things it makes an impact. I try to encourage them to say or write thank you's when someone has done something nice for them, not just for gifts...All example!
A couple years ago, Sara Staker was going to Mexico with us and organized a trip to an orphanage with all our families... IT had such an impact on our kids that now when we make that trip each year, our kids are planning what to take the orphans long before they plan what they'll do at the beach, etc. I think our kids truly appreciate more than we realize most of the time.
Long comment, geesh.
Thanks for all your advice...and let me tell you Tennisa did give me an awesome idea for when kids really want something at the store and you want to buy it for them, but not necessarily just give it to them. "The Mommy Store." You just simply say (if you want to buy it), we can get that for the Mommy store. I then assign it a point value and they can do chores/service to earn enough points for those items (usually takes them a couple weeks). Takes all the guilt out of impulse buying and it works awesome!
We do something similar to the "mommy store" only we call it the "Orgill family country store", in fact, John has made up a theme song to it which is sung along to the "blue book cars" song. When the kids see something they want in the store or they are begging for something they had seen we put it in our "Orgill Country store" and we put a certain amount of points on it (the more expensive the more points) and at the end of the week they have to choose whether to use their points for something dumb, small or sweet to satisfy their craving for something new and neat right then and there or wait it out and save their points for that big thing they've been wanting...but, it's hard to keep up with a system like that...I say do it while you need to kick the idea out of the kids' minds that they can have anything they want for doing....nothing.
We haven't done the store idea lately. The kids know they can't have anything they want. When they ask for something we tell them they'll have to wait for Christmas or their birthday...but, once in a while John and I will come home with some fun surprises just to watch that smile spread across their face!
Recently I explained to my kids, that a family friend of ours makes her kids get up early and prepare their own cold lunches for school. I've never been thanked so sincerely by my children before. Unfortunately, it was short lived- it only lasted a week or so, but it was good to be appreciated for a short while. Good luck in that department. I whole heartedly agree, "no" is necessary. Christmas, birthday's and holidays are great times to give, but I don't have to give them the world on those day, in fact I think I do them a disservice when I go overboard. I loved all the comments on your post. Way to get us thinking.
So crazy that my sister and I were talking on the phone the other day and she asked me, "Do you remember when we were little and it was such a big deal to be able to get a happy meal at McDonalds?" Its so true that kids have sooo much now a days and I need to learn quick how to teach mine. I like the mom store idea.
By the way, do you love the sunny weather? I hope you have your flip flops on!
I worry about this a lot, actually... raising GOOD, hard-working kids in our day and age. Our boys certainly have a lot more (and a lot more opportunities, even) than we did as kids. Anyway, for what it is worth, I have several thoughts...
First, trite as it sounds, I think gratitude truly is an "attitude" and that it probably increases with age, wisdom and life experience. We can't necessarily expect our kids to be born grateful, but have to help them develop it.
That said, I think we have to CREATE opportunities for our children to learn it. As parents, it is our responsibility to first, teach by example and also to give them opportunities to learn that everything comes at a cost to someone. It is important for them to see that even gifts, or basic life necessities shouldn't be 'expected' or taken for granted. Easy ideas... reminding them to always use good manners, helping them to write and give thank you notes, instead of throwing toys away, ask who they could give them to, etc.
Another idea that can be done occasionally, is to find opportunities for them to help others who are less fortunate. Christmas is an obvious time, but it could be anytime throughout the year.
Lastly, I don't think we can expect every child to naturally be "intuitively" grateful. It will come easier for some than others, like anything else. (I have one who always shares and says 'please' and 'thank you', and yet my older one struggles to remember and can be pretty demanding at times... just different personalities.)
Okay, now that I've written a complete discourse on your blog (SORRY!), let me be sure to say that we certainly struggle with this, too, at our house. It is just something I have given a lot of thought to and have made big attempts to teach my kids (some successful, others not). So for what it's worth, I am speaking theoretically... this is definitely one of those things that is 'much easier said than done' in 'real-life'! :)
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